New Day

They say in Tennessee, "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and it will change." That is so true. Today was such a beautiful day with warm sunshine beaming down. Nice change from the dreary, cold days we have experienced for the past several months. But that could change once again. Afterall, I live in Tennessee. As I drove to work today, I took my time. Normally I drive the 65 mph or 70 mph speeds I am permitted to drive. But today, I drove the old-fashioned speed of 55 mph. The day was so nice I felt like slowing down for a change. It was delightful; such a joy. This was not a day for sitting inside working on scapbooks, knitting, or crocheting. It's not even a day for working on anything inside. Forget the indoor treadmill! Today is the day for walking and enjoying the outdoors. Those living in Tennessee can truly appreciate a day like today. Enjoy!

Domestic Violence

Well for the past three years, I must say my life has been hectic. Partly because I made it that way. This lovely lady met a fellow and romance bloomed. But be careful who you allow to come into your life. God sends His angels but Satan sends out his demons as well. This man should have been my best friend. Unfortunately, he was not. Yeah, I like to call him a friend. But he isn't a good one. His jealousy consumed him and ate him alive. It drained me of my self-esteem and almost my Spirit. I put off doing the things I loved doing because he didn't like them. Needless to say, I dropped my hobbies as well because to him they were a mere waste of one's time. I should have been solely focused on him and for a long time I was. I was madly in love for a long time-or so I thought. Love is not verbal and emotional abuse. Love is not domestic violence. And that's where this relationship went. I could be driving in my car (he lost his license to drive) and suddenly I would be bleeding or almost lose control of the car because he decided I needed "a good ole smacking". I was pushed, shoved, chased, stalked, phone harassed, smacked, punched, replaced three pairs of glasses, pulled off the bed, had my hair ripped from my scalp, kicked, had food crammed down my throat. All in the name of love. Like I stated earlier, I thought I was in love. In the beginning he told me I had a beautiful smile and I was a very pretty woman. He told me how much he loved me and how I was his "queen". Those days were short-lived. He had a gentle touch and would caress me constantly. We made love quite often. Those days came and went. We hung out with mostly his friends. They were mostly red-neck jerks who drank and smoke; did drugs. I didn't do any of those things. I was the "good girl". The one who was going to help him get his life on track. I was the one who survived over all the other girls he had in the past. Most of them never lasted with him over a couple of days or months. His alcohol consumed him and he let his chemical imbalance take over and hurt the ones who loved him the most. If it wasn't me taking his abuse, it was his siblings, his mother and step-father, aunts, cousins, neighbors, and even law enforcement. There are so many who have been hurt by him that they are too numerous to count or even mention in this blog post. When did the tide turn? When did the games begin? They were there in the beginning, I was just too naive or knew it was a bad relationship from the get-go. Suppose I was in denial. This bad boy and this good girl were doomed. No one, no matter how much they try can change another's habits or cure them. That's where I am now. I walked away from his alcohol and drug abuse. I walked away from domestic violence, the hurt and the pain. I begged him to get help for over three years. I begged God to intervene on his behalf, and I still do. I always told him I just wanted to live a normal life. His normal was spending every dime we made on alcohol and getting violent. If he wasn't drinking (which was very few days out of a month), he would want me to drive him around looking for weed or pills for other people. That's not my life. Those things for me are a mere waste of one's time. So one day, a few month's ago, I decided I was taking back control of my life. No longer am I the victim. I will always love him (I have for over twenty years). I hope to consider him a friend but only if he can stop placing blame on others and accept ownership of his abusiveness. I am a peacemaker, not a fighter. I am a lover, not a hater. I am a friend, not a foe. If you read this post and are being abused. Find the courage and the strength to leave before its too late. Don't let someone else dictate to you who you are. Many times I could have been seriously hurt. I never thought I would ever let someone abuse me the way I have been treated over the past three and a half years, but I allowed it to happen. Yes, police intervened on my behalf in the court system, but not behind closed doors. Get out before you are killed. You cannot cure the problem .

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